Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
