don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
