Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face