Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(630): View more from Illinois

The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.

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(630): The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum. http://tfl.nu/5o8q

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(214): View more from Texas

The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.

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(214): The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson. http://tfl.nu/pxr8

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

I have one thing to say: spongebath.

(1-781): View more from Massachusetts

I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.

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(781): I have one thing to say: spongebath. (1-781): I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all. http://tfl.nu/ojs2

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(214): View more from Texas

I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.

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(214): I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off. http://tfl.nu/qpy6

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(262): View more from Wisconsin

I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.

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(262): I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day. http://tfl.nu/uzwr

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(352): View more from Florida

I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"

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(352): I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W" http://tfl.nu/d9h9

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(858): View more from California

I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.

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(858): I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way. http://tfl.nu/w85x

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(704): View more from North Carolina

a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.

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(704): a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you. http://tfl.nu/45tv

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(630): View more from Illinois

I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.

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(630): I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible. http://tfl.nu/8o92

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(479): View more from Arkansas

I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.

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(479): I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast. http://tfl.nu/j7ef

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time

(215): View more from Pennsylvania

you found the shrooms didnt you

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(484): how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time (215): you found the shrooms didnt you http://tfl.nu/rmts

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(575): View more from New Mexico

There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.

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(575): There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town. http://tfl.nu/m7kt

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(707): View more from California

do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me

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(707): do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me http://tfl.nu/4f25

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(909): View more from California

You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?

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(909): You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail? http://tfl.nu/0cec

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table

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(603): therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table http://tfl.nu/r83g

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