Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
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