Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.