haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
