the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
home. puking in laundry basket.
Wipe that smile off your face.
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He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
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Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup