sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
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No I am not eating basil off your cock
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
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Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.