i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
As shirtless as possible
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.