Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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