How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
