Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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