Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
