i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
