i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
