The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
