Define "chronic" masturbator.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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