i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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