so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
