I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Found your dick twin last night
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
