It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
In America we eat man semen.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
