I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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