Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
