If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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