watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
