My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
