He is such a slut. More and more my type.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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