I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
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