In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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