I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
