I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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