they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
