it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
