Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
