how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
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She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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