You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
