i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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