apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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