We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
