so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
