peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
