Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Randomize
