The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
