its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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