can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
