Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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