if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
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You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
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By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
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