I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
my liver is dry heaving
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