I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
