Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize