So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
YAS. BRING CRAB.
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