After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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