I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
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sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
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3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
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