I'm really into asian looking animals
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
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