Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
