i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
It's blow job season.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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