I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
