I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
