this beer tastes like vomit already
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
