so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
i now understand why vodka
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
