The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Best friends brother. Beat that.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
