The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Randomize
