I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
We're too hungover to prance.
Randomize
