I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize
